About Confessions

I woke up confused this morning. The radio was on. The neighbors were making noises. The wind was chatting with me. I was my usual self this morning: at 7:15am, all I wanted was to sleep for fifteen more minutes and then ten more. No, maybe I wanted to stay in bed for 20 more minutes, on top of those extra minutes.
I was "listening" (as one can imagine, I was only half awake) to Norah Jones and the words were, if I am not mistaken, come back and turn me on. That really caught my attention. I immediately started thinking about those words and everything I've felt this year. Love? Passion? Lust? I don't know. All I know for sure is that even after all this time we're at the same place as ever, and feel the same way as always. It didn't change. It never will.
So why don't we just give ourselves a little relieve and enjoy all we can?
I feel you. I want you still. And I did consider your e-mail and all you said. And I truly did appreciate it

I've made mistakes in my life, big ones. However, I do know that somewhere inside of me there’s still hope. I did open a Pandora’s Box when I decided to move to the United States. I did go through hell. Sometimes I look back and I ask myself: how did you manage? Then, I ponder and answer: you’re very strong. That’s how.

I am still strong and hopeful. I do feel lonely sometimes. I do look for meaning and new possibilities. I do sometimes trust people who don't deserve five minutes of my time. I do get impatient. I don’t know yet how to manage my anger. I do have a short temper. Nonetheless, I know how good it is to be me. How good it is to be. How good it is to have you around.

I wish I could talk to you right at this second and let you know that life is much bigger than having our trust messed up with. I'd tell you: don't get me wrong, I’m not recovered still. Maybe I will never be. But no one is going to take away my smile, my love for life and my love for you. It’s painful to be alive sometimes. That’s also part of the experience. It shouldn't be always that way. I know, I know. But that's part of it. I wish I could talk to you and say: hey, let’s go for a walk, hold my hand. At least and at last you can trust me.