Because his voice touches me like his hands.
And his hands touch me like magic.
And them both run on me like the most incredible fable ever told.
Because I love him.
Period.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
About how alive I am when we are
I want your lips, your hands, a little of - your soul, the passion, blueberries and a straw, the smell of the things I think represent home, mixed colors, movement, loud music in the bedroom, clouds in the ceiling. A hot bath. The urgency of us. I want to polish my nails. Improve my language skills. I want to snap my fingers and dream. But before I do that, take a black and white picture of me. Blow me away with a surprise. hang my picture in the living room and always remember how alive I was.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
About the New Year
2008 was a paradoxical year.
It brought me a lot of pain and a lot of joy. I’ve met interesting and amazing people and not-so interesting and amazing people. I’ve done things that I’ve always wanted to do and things that I thought I could never do. I’ve written beautiful posts and I thought about a lot of things that I wanted to forget. I’ve accomplished some of my goals, but also understood that I have to review some of my other objectives.
I’ve suffered a lot. At some point, I thought I had lost my mind. I have felt very intensely in 2008. I’ve felt the pain of real lost for the first time. I understood Shakespeare a little better. I saw the sunrise at the beach by myself. I started exercising more. I helped people achieve their dreams. I was in the newspaper. I cooked for someone wearing a Chinese dress. I painted my place with the colors I wanted and I’ve gotten my blue room. I saw my best friend get her citizenship.
I fell in and out of love. I admired new artists. I was inspired by their music and their work. I read poetry. I exchanged amazing e-mails. I got furious. I found out I am stronger than I thought. I had the amazing feeling of getting a Christmas kiss from the guy I love. I've enjoyed the summer for the first time since I got here. I took care of myself and so far I'm a winner. I grew older. I cried and I thought the pain was unbearable. I complained to a God I don't even believe in. I got amazing gifts from people who care about me in different ways. I’ve made new friends. I let people go. I bought beautiful shoes. I read what has become my favorite book. I took amazing pictures of myself and people I love. I took pictures of birds. I danced non-stop. I went to the most amazing party. I made new mistakes.
I have tried to forgive my dad. I missed my mom. I called my brother a couple of times. I wished I could have called my mom. I had revealing dreams. I wore my most beautiful dresses in 2008. I’ve eaten my favorite foods. I went for walks on the beach by myself. I turned 23. I got myself a music box. I got my first garter belt and wore my first fishnet stockings. I celebrated my broken heart.
It brought me a lot of pain and a lot of joy. I’ve met interesting and amazing people and not-so interesting and amazing people. I’ve done things that I’ve always wanted to do and things that I thought I could never do. I’ve written beautiful posts and I thought about a lot of things that I wanted to forget. I’ve accomplished some of my goals, but also understood that I have to review some of my other objectives.
I’ve suffered a lot. At some point, I thought I had lost my mind. I have felt very intensely in 2008. I’ve felt the pain of real lost for the first time. I understood Shakespeare a little better. I saw the sunrise at the beach by myself. I started exercising more. I helped people achieve their dreams. I was in the newspaper. I cooked for someone wearing a Chinese dress. I painted my place with the colors I wanted and I’ve gotten my blue room. I saw my best friend get her citizenship.
I fell in and out of love. I admired new artists. I was inspired by their music and their work. I read poetry. I exchanged amazing e-mails. I got furious. I found out I am stronger than I thought. I had the amazing feeling of getting a Christmas kiss from the guy I love. I've enjoyed the summer for the first time since I got here. I took care of myself and so far I'm a winner. I grew older. I cried and I thought the pain was unbearable. I complained to a God I don't even believe in. I got amazing gifts from people who care about me in different ways. I’ve made new friends. I let people go. I bought beautiful shoes. I read what has become my favorite book. I took amazing pictures of myself and people I love. I took pictures of birds. I danced non-stop. I went to the most amazing party. I made new mistakes.
I have tried to forgive my dad. I missed my mom. I called my brother a couple of times. I wished I could have called my mom. I had revealing dreams. I wore my most beautiful dresses in 2008. I’ve eaten my favorite foods. I went for walks on the beach by myself. I turned 23. I got myself a music box. I got my first garter belt and wore my first fishnet stockings. I celebrated my broken heart.
I spent time with my best friend’s mom and it was great to get to know her. I became an imaginary friend. I lent my apartment to my best friend. I had my friends over for dinner. I got new clothes and felt sexy. I slept early. I woke up exhausted. I celebrated Christmas at my place.
I missed you. I had ice cream at the beach. I learned I can swim. I changed my hair style several times. I learned new makeup tricks. I got the most beautiful red gloss ever. I learned that I have to follow my intuition. I sang at the top of my lungs. I danced in the supermarket and on the street. I looked for help. I worked less. I understood that not everything’s my fault, but that I decide what's best for me. I went to two amazing concerts. I thought of my mom a great deal and how much I wanted her to be there with me.
I broke things. I got them fixed. I hurt people and they hurt me. There were days that I wished I were somewhere else. There were days that I could smell the busy streets of my hometown and I wanted to visit my old house. I planned a trip that was cancelled. I invented new words. I got confused. I wrote an essay, but I didn’t finish it. I prayed and there was someone listening to me.
I am ready for 2009.
I missed you. I had ice cream at the beach. I learned I can swim. I changed my hair style several times. I learned new makeup tricks. I got the most beautiful red gloss ever. I learned that I have to follow my intuition. I sang at the top of my lungs. I danced in the supermarket and on the street. I looked for help. I worked less. I understood that not everything’s my fault, but that I decide what's best for me. I went to two amazing concerts. I thought of my mom a great deal and how much I wanted her to be there with me.
I broke things. I got them fixed. I hurt people and they hurt me. There were days that I wished I were somewhere else. There were days that I could smell the busy streets of my hometown and I wanted to visit my old house. I planned a trip that was cancelled. I invented new words. I got confused. I wrote an essay, but I didn’t finish it. I prayed and there was someone listening to me.
I am ready for 2009.
Friday, December 26, 2008
About Confessions
I woke up confused this morning. The radio was on. The neighbors were making noises. The wind was chatting with me. I was my usual self this morning: at 7:15am, all I wanted was to sleep for fifteen more minutes and then ten more. No, maybe I wanted to stay in bed for 20 more minutes, on top of those extra minutes.
I was "listening" (as one can imagine, I was only half awake) to Norah Jones and the words were, if I am not mistaken, come back and turn me on. That really caught my attention. I immediately started thinking about those words and everything I've felt this year. Love? Passion? Lust? I don't know. All I know for sure is that even after all this time we're at the same place as ever, and feel the same way as always. It didn't change. It never will.
So why don't we just give ourselves a little relieve and enjoy all we can?
I feel you. I want you still. And I did consider your e-mail and all you said. And I truly did appreciate it
I've made mistakes in my life, big ones. However, I do know that somewhere inside of me there’s still hope. I did open a Pandora’s Box when I decided to move to the United States. I did go through hell. Sometimes I look back and I ask myself: how did you manage? Then, I ponder and answer: you’re very strong. That’s how.
I am still strong and hopeful. I do feel lonely sometimes. I do look for meaning and new possibilities. I do sometimes trust people who don't deserve five minutes of my time. I do get impatient. I don’t know yet how to manage my anger. I do have a short temper. Nonetheless, I know how good it is to be me. How good it is to be. How good it is to have you around.
I wish I could talk to you right at this second and let you know that life is much bigger than having our trust messed up with. I'd tell you: don't get me wrong, I’m not recovered still. Maybe I will never be. But no one is going to take away my smile, my love for life and my love for you. It’s painful to be alive sometimes. That’s also part of the experience. It shouldn't be always that way. I know, I know. But that's part of it. I wish I could talk to you and say: hey, let’s go for a walk, hold my hand. At least and at last you can trust me.
I was "listening" (as one can imagine, I was only half awake) to Norah Jones and the words were, if I am not mistaken, come back and turn me on. That really caught my attention. I immediately started thinking about those words and everything I've felt this year. Love? Passion? Lust? I don't know. All I know for sure is that even after all this time we're at the same place as ever, and feel the same way as always. It didn't change. It never will.
So why don't we just give ourselves a little relieve and enjoy all we can?
I feel you. I want you still. And I did consider your e-mail and all you said. And I truly did appreciate it
I've made mistakes in my life, big ones. However, I do know that somewhere inside of me there’s still hope. I did open a Pandora’s Box when I decided to move to the United States. I did go through hell. Sometimes I look back and I ask myself: how did you manage? Then, I ponder and answer: you’re very strong. That’s how.
I am still strong and hopeful. I do feel lonely sometimes. I do look for meaning and new possibilities. I do sometimes trust people who don't deserve five minutes of my time. I do get impatient. I don’t know yet how to manage my anger. I do have a short temper. Nonetheless, I know how good it is to be me. How good it is to be. How good it is to have you around.
I wish I could talk to you right at this second and let you know that life is much bigger than having our trust messed up with. I'd tell you: don't get me wrong, I’m not recovered still. Maybe I will never be. But no one is going to take away my smile, my love for life and my love for you. It’s painful to be alive sometimes. That’s also part of the experience. It shouldn't be always that way. I know, I know. But that's part of it. I wish I could talk to you and say: hey, let’s go for a walk, hold my hand. At least and at last you can trust me.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
About yes and no
Ow babe, you're gonna be the death for me. I don't want to need you the way I do. Even when we're fine and feeling good, it hurts to love you. I still can't go to a complete state of happiness. I'm so afraid it's gonna be taken away...
I'd say it's good to love you. Or maybe it is not. But I'm the kind of person that believes in saying yes for everything that makes me smile. So, maybe I'll say no, but I believe we are a "yes". And it drives me insane thinking you're trying somewhere else. You're there considering everyody's opinion, instead of considering our feelings. And you're spending time worrying about all the wrong things.
Babe, time is flying by, live moves so fast. You better make every minute count 'cause you can't get it back.
You already know my many flaws... I have the worst temper in the world and I'm very jealous and so on, but despite all that... our thing it's still so damn strong for a reason.
I'm still here missing your arms around me.
I'd say it's good to love you. Or maybe it is not. But I'm the kind of person that believes in saying yes for everything that makes me smile. So, maybe I'll say no, but I believe we are a "yes". And it drives me insane thinking you're trying somewhere else. You're there considering everyody's opinion, instead of considering our feelings. And you're spending time worrying about all the wrong things.
Babe, time is flying by, live moves so fast. You better make every minute count 'cause you can't get it back.
You already know my many flaws... I have the worst temper in the world and I'm very jealous and so on, but despite all that... our thing it's still so damn strong for a reason.
I'm still here missing your arms around me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
About what I love
I belive everything but I want you now. I love you for your absences. I love you for your mistakes. I love you for your imperfect body, your scars, for all your craziness, my babe.
I love your hands, despite the fact that because of them I don't know what to do with mine. I love your smile, and love when you're happy. I even love your bad mood. I love what you are and what you could have been. I love you when I'm happy and when I'm blue. I love you unending. I love when you make me laugh and I love you when you make my cry.
I love you even more when the memory of your face makes my heart beat faster. I love your for your the illusion you are and for your fool dreams. I love your crazy sense of right and wrong. I love you for the same old reasons and the new ones you give everyday - even though you don't know it. I love you when you say "hi" and when you say "goodbye". I love you from your toes to what I can't describe. I love you from soul to soul and more than words. But it's with words that I try to defend myself when I say that I love you more than the silence that comes in those moments we're not sure this feelings are real.
I love your hands, despite the fact that because of them I don't know what to do with mine. I love your smile, and love when you're happy. I even love your bad mood. I love what you are and what you could have been. I love you when I'm happy and when I'm blue. I love you unending. I love when you make me laugh and I love you when you make my cry.
I love you even more when the memory of your face makes my heart beat faster. I love your for your the illusion you are and for your fool dreams. I love your crazy sense of right and wrong. I love you for the same old reasons and the new ones you give everyday - even though you don't know it. I love you when you say "hi" and when you say "goodbye". I love you from your toes to what I can't describe. I love you from soul to soul and more than words. But it's with words that I try to defend myself when I say that I love you more than the silence that comes in those moments we're not sure this feelings are real.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
About my babe
I'm gonna be forever yours babe. No matter what!!! Just call my name and I'll be there for you!
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