About Confessions

I woke up confused this morning. The radio was on. The neighbors were making noises. The wind was chatting with me. I was my usual self this morning: at 7:15am, all I wanted was to sleep for fifteen more minutes and then ten more. No, maybe I wanted to stay in bed for 20 more minutes, on top of those extra minutes.
I was "listening" (as one can imagine, I was only half awake) to Norah Jones and the words were, if I am not mistaken, come back and turn me on. That really caught my attention. I immediately started thinking about those words and everything I've felt this year. Love? Passion? Lust? I don't know. All I know for sure is that even after all this time we're at the same place as ever, and feel the same way as always. It didn't change. It never will.
So why don't we just give ourselves a little relieve and enjoy all we can?
I feel you. I want you still. And I did consider your e-mail and all you said. And I truly did appreciate it

I've made mistakes in my life, big ones. However, I do know that somewhere inside of me there’s still hope. I did open a Pandora’s Box when I decided to move to the United States. I did go through hell. Sometimes I look back and I ask myself: how did you manage? Then, I ponder and answer: you’re very strong. That’s how.

I am still strong and hopeful. I do feel lonely sometimes. I do look for meaning and new possibilities. I do sometimes trust people who don't deserve five minutes of my time. I do get impatient. I don’t know yet how to manage my anger. I do have a short temper. Nonetheless, I know how good it is to be me. How good it is to be. How good it is to have you around.

I wish I could talk to you right at this second and let you know that life is much bigger than having our trust messed up with. I'd tell you: don't get me wrong, I’m not recovered still. Maybe I will never be. But no one is going to take away my smile, my love for life and my love for you. It’s painful to be alive sometimes. That’s also part of the experience. It shouldn't be always that way. I know, I know. But that's part of it. I wish I could talk to you and say: hey, let’s go for a walk, hold my hand. At least and at last you can trust me.

About yes and no

Ow babe, you're gonna be the death for me. I don't want to need you the way I do. Even when we're fine and feeling good, it hurts to love you. I still can't go to a complete state of happiness. I'm so afraid it's gonna be taken away...
I'd say it's good to love you. Or maybe it is not. But I'm the kind of person that believes in saying yes for everything that makes me smile. So, maybe I'll say no, but I believe we are a "yes". And it drives me insane thinking you're trying somewhere else. You're there considering everyody's opinion, instead of considering our feelings. And you're spending time worrying about all the wrong things.
Babe, time is flying by, live moves so fast. You better make every minute count 'cause you can't get it back.
You already know my many flaws... I have the worst temper in the world and I'm very jealous and so on, but despite all that... our thing it's still so damn strong for a reason.
I'm still here missing your arms around me.

About what I love

I belive everything but I want you now. I love you for your absences. I love you for your mistakes. I love you for your imperfect body, your scars, for all your craziness, my babe.
I love your hands, despite the fact that because of them I don't know what to do with mine. I love your smile, and love when you're happy. I even love your bad mood. I love what you are and what you could have been. I love you when I'm happy and when I'm blue. I love you unending. I love when you make me laugh and I love you when you make my cry.
I love you even more when the memory of your face makes my heart beat faster. I love your for your the illusion you are and for your fool dreams. I love your crazy sense of right and wrong. I love you for the same old reasons and the new ones you give everyday - even though you don't know it. I love you when you say "hi" and when you say "goodbye". I love you from your toes to what I can't describe. I love you from soul to soul and more than words. But it's with words that I try to defend myself when I say that I love you more than the silence that comes in those moments we're not sure this feelings are real.