About decisions and reasons

I waited for you. For a couple of minutes I actually fed my hungry imagination with the idea that you would be waiting for me outside, with a smile on your face and a look in your eyes that would remind us the possibility that even at the end, it's still possible - can you see that sarcasm can be beautiful? - to find the person you're leaving behind special. Special still. I waited for you for long hours that night. Impatient with the nonsense, the people and their meaningless subjects, the unattractive scents. So, I turned you off. I opened my eyes to the new. It was quite painful at the beginning. Painful but tolerable. Tolerable but selective. And if I'm selective it's because I have options. And if I have options I might get one right. So I launched myself into the city and it's lights. And that doesn't exclude you. It's just makes you less present. We got it right for a while. It was over for the many reasons we are so tired of knowing. But we did get it right. And it is with unconditional love that I'll always remember of that sense of rightness and belonging. And maybe someday - why not - no hard feelings would come to my mind when I think about it. Because we were good to each other and no one will never understand what we had together.
I didn't forget you. And maybe I won't. It all started with wine and everytime I see two bottles, the memory of that night makes me smile and all the worries fade away. I decided to stop loving you when I got the e-mail. And I still suffer because to stop loving someone it's to lose the feelings and say good bye to the passion, it's forget the good things. To stop loving someone it's to erase a little time of your life, it's to lose the sense of direction, it's to get free from the addiction. It's to suffer. And when I talk about suffer I'm talking about what it takes - don't cry or get depressive, but suffer enough to have all my internal structures destroyed so I can look at the mirror, feel the scars on my soul, and still believe in me. To stop loving someone it's to know that we don't know a lot about life. And not to know about life makes us want to learn a little more. I didn't forget you, but I don't feel so much when I think about your speech and your reasons. I guess the song's ending and our dance is over. I love you still, but it doesn't hurt me nor scare me. It doesn't make me proud either. I'm letting go of our intentions, our ideas, our little and our everything. And that's what it is - I'm still loyal to my feelings and still believe that's what really matters, and you're still loyal to you confort, safe zone and sticking to it till the end.

I'll always love to see myself reflected in your eyes.